i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
