You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
