I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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