I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
