You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My breasts were aching with rage.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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