I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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