How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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