i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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