As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
