He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
