Whod you bang
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
