im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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