I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
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