remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
