I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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