Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Randomize
