Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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