Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
