My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
