Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize