my phone needs a breathalizer
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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