I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
