Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
