there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize