In the future we'll all be gay
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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