Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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