the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize