i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
