I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
