I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize