I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
