I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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