I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
