careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
