i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
