Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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