He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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