Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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