I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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