Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
