I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
