I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
