You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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