I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
