god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
