Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
