somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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