The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
