I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
