so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
