Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
