he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
