I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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