I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
