Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
