We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
