so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
