He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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