So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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