So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
