I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
