Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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