so that wasnt chicken after all
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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