how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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