so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
