she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
