Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
