Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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