But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
