i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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