Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
