I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
