party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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