do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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