I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
