I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
