I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
