So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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