we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
