News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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