I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
