ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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