I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I currently don't understand fingers.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
