Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
