Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
