Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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