I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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