Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just cropdusted the office
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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