could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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