just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
