Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
