i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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