I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
